What Does a Stripper’s Tax Return Look Like?

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If you’re anything like me, and let’s face it, if you’re reading this you are – you’ve thought to yourself at one time or another “I wonder what a strippers tax return looks like”. But I assure you, those who work in the skin-based sectors of the economy have all of the same tax issues as the rest of us; it’s just the details that differ. Let’s dig in shall we?

 

Home Office

Let me guess, your home office has a desk, a computer and one of those weird ball things that knock into each other and never stop? Strippers allocate a similar amount of space to their craft, but would potentially fill it with a pole, a remote control for “mood lighting” and could also have one of those ball things. However the design might be slightly different.

Tools of Trade

Now I have your attention… Whilst your tools may actually be tools; a nail gun, a measuring tape and a hacksaw, for those who work in the less ‘daytime centric’ industries, it’s all much of the same. However you would possibly find that a Stripper would claim for trade-tools such as a whip or handcuffs. Or for those who might be slightly more ‘closed door’ performers, perhaps even ‘The Pig Tail’.

Trust me, before doing anything, Google “how do I delete my browsing history?”

Consumables

Interestingly, while the term ‘consumable’ refers to items that can be used up or discarded, if you are a Stripper some of your consumables can actually be consumed. Think performance chocolate body paint and whipped cream (now stop thinking about it!) Other obvious additions include baby wipes, glitter gels and that stuff you rub all over your body…what’s it called again? Oh yeah, soap.

Advertising

If you are reading this with friends, this is right about the time you should shrug and say, “where would they even advertise?”

As if you don’t know!

Clothing

You are only allowed to claim for clothing that assists in earning an income, so the uniform you’re forced to wear everyday is claimable. Strippers can’t claim for clothing they wear to and from work, but lingerie, costumes and that optional harness for the odd fetish performance are all okay. It’s a rare industry when a nurse’s outfit, police uniform and school uniform make an appearance on a tax return. See more here.

Vehicles

Whilst a Stripper cannot claim for travel to and from work, they may be eligible for deductions if they move around visiting clients during a single shift. There is really no need to explain this one any further, and we couldn’t find anything worth googling. Cars are just cars, no matter what industry.

Cosmetics

If you want to claim for cosmetics it must be a prerequisite for the job itself. Strippers explain this one by stating that cosmetics fall into the generalistic term of, ‘stage makeup’. Meaning that makeup, body glitter, and self-tanning products are used during a ‘performance’.

Dance Lessons

While the ATO doesn’t allow you to claim for anything deemed to be ‘fitness related’, dance lessons are an acceptable deduction item. That’s right, if you were a Stripper you could get down to the local pole dancing class and learn the ‘Brass Monkey’, the ‘Full Bracket’ and the ‘Inverted Crucifix’ whilst claiming it all on your taxes. Well if that’s not a benefit to change career paths, I’m not sure what is…

So there you have it, an incomplete and yet disturbing list of what to claim if you decide to become a Stripper. 

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